Ahoy Gum Drop!

I.B. Nosey Down South with J.Q. Rose

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cyber-nauts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter, and today I’m coming to you from sunny Florida. Yes, believe it! For once Gander landed me in a place I’m familiar with.

NOSEY: Yikes! An alligator! *flees to nearest building and bounds over porch railing. Woman relaxing in chaise lounge peers at him over sunglasses*

J.Q. Thought you just said you were familiar with this place.

NOSEY: Oranges from Florida *huffs* I’m familiar with. *puffs* Alligators, not so much.

J.Q. Aw, old Teddy Bear wouldn’t hurt a sand flea.

NOSEY: Teddy Bear?

J.Q. The gator. See? He’s chained to that palm tree. He’s my baby.

NOSEY: *stares* Are you quite sane?

J.Q. Nope. I’m J.Q. Rose.

NOSEY: I didn’t mean…Oh, wait. No. You can’t be. *groans, then hisses into microphone* Gander, she’s not my guest today, is she?

J.Q. Your guest? *sits up straight* Yeah, you’re that nosy reporter my publicist called me about. Almost laughed me out of the office when he handed the schedule over. Why would he do that?

NOSEY:  My, uh, reputation precedes me?

J.Q. Could be. Anyhow, glad you could drop in. But, you know…*glances at helicopter flying toward horizon* Looked to me as if you were shoved here.

NOSEY: Well. *gives nervous chuckle* I barely hung on long enough to miss the shark tank over at Sea --er, never mind. *taps microphone* Okay, we’re live. *takes deep breath* J.Q. Rose, please inform our listening audience about your, um…*glances around surroundings* situation?

J.Q. Glad to. I’m a wife, mother, and grandmother to four boys and a three-year-old princess.  I spend winters in Florida and summers up north camping and hunting salamanders, toads, frogs, and snakes with my grandchildren. Blogging and photography occupy my spare time as well as playing my favorite board game, Pegs and Jokers.

NOSEY: Did you say snakes? *hand clenching microphone trembles*

J.Q. Sure did. My python, Slinky, is asleep around here somewhere. So watch your step. He’s a grouch if he doesn’t get his nap out.

NOSEY: *eyes grow wide* Believe me, no worries there, lady. This will be the shortest interview on record.

J.Q. In that case, we better get a move on. What’s your next question?

NOSEY: Uh. *darts swift glance in all directions* Talk to us about your book.

J.Q. Okey-dokey. It’s called The Good Neighbors, and it’s a short story featuring the main characters in my mystery e-book, Sunshine Boulevard.

NOSEY: And what’s it about?

J.Q.: Jim and Gloria Hart, snowbirds from Michigan. They always help out the neighbors in their Florida retirement community when asked. Who knew being good could turn out to be so bad?

NOSEY: Yeah, I get a lot of that myself. *starts as Teddy Bear opens mouth and hisses* So, er…this Jim Hart. Guess he’s the hero in your story?

J.Q. Both Jim and Gloria are the main characters, but not necessarily the heroes. The hero shows up, but it is not the person one would suspect it might be. There’s no cavalry or super powers or dragons to rescue the situation, but my hero does save the day.

NOSEY: *mutters* Could sure use a hero to save my day about now. *louder* Gander? Gander, the interview’s ending. Hurry and get that helicopter back this way!

J.Q. You know, Nosey, your wanting to rush off…well, it’s not sounding very neighborly.

NOSEY: What do you expect? I’ve read your story, and you didn’t mention me in any page whatsoever. And then, after I get here…I’m greeted by this *waves hand at Teddy Bear* thing!

J.Q.  Oh. Well. Sorry, Nosey, but my dear I.B., if I may call you I.B. *doesn’t wait for answer* You see, the story takes place in a retirement community, so you just are not old enough to live in a Florida senior park. And anyway, your lovely Gum Drop Island has the same climate as Florida. Not as many palm trees, perhaps, but I do love the gum drop bushes and the chocolate rivers. Now…*Nosey moves as if to interrupt but J.Q. continues* when you decide to retire from your reporter job, I.B., call me so I can give you some pointers on retiring....like all the restaurants who offer early bird dinners, great places for bingo, discounts on unending rounds of golf, senior coffee discounts at McDonald’s, reduced movie tickets, and especially on Mondays at Beall’s Outlet stores in Florida you can save 15% off every purchase.

NOSEY: *eyes light up* 15% ?

J.Q. Yep. And I should add that contrary to public opinion, the guard shack at the entrance of our community is to keep undesirables out, NOT to keep the seniors in…Gosh, Nosey, I hope, if you decide to visit, the guard will allow you in.

NOSEY: That guard --it won’t be Teddy Bear, will it?

J.Q. Who’s to say? Or possibly even Slinky.

NOSEY: *gulps* You think having these two pets makes you a good neighbor? Is everyone here --not normal? I mean, come on. Just who’re the good neighbors in this place?

J.Q. Point taken. But let me just say that there are several neighbors in the story, although I’ll let the reader decide who the “good” neighbor really is. I’m sure the obvious answer will be wrong…or maybe right depending on the reader’s perspective. When it comes right down to it, I guess there is no right or wrong answer to the question.

NOSEY: *blinks* I didn’t understand a word you said. *shakes head* Okay. Let’s try a different track. There’s a guy in your story named Paul, right? He claimed he and his wife were going to cruise to the Bahamas. Were you aware that, instead, they actually sailed to Gum Drop Island? And Heathcliff caught them downing stalks off a licorice tree. Stripping off free samples are not allowed there, you know.

J.Q. That doesn’t surprise me…that they sailed to Gum Drop Island. It sounds like this island could be such a fun place to go. Paul and his wife are always out looking for a wild, fun time. They are Gloria’s neighbors and she sees their carefree lifestyle. I mean, really, this couple takes off on their motorcycle and hits a lot of bars and sing karaoke. I believe they are the champions at shuffleboard too! They are what she would call party animals. Umm, are those licorice trees near here?

NOSEY: Not anywhere near where Teddy Bear can get his jaws on them! *shudders* By the way, Heathcliff has a question for Gloria. How come, when they were all on Gum Drop Island, she blanched when he gave her a polite smile and wink?

J.Q. I doubt she likes passionate possums. However, the sad fact is Gloria is not an animal lover. Oh, wait. *puts finger to cheek in pondering expression* Does Heathcliff realize he IS an animal?  She had to take care of Buttons for awhile when Ethel was in the hospital. She was not happy about it, but being the good neighbor she is, she fed the little dog. Jim walked and played with the animal. Gloria would not enjoy cavorting with a dog or cat or skunk or possum. No, no, no.

NOSEY: Ha! So she wouldn’t enjoy meeting your Slinky, would she?

J.Q. Have to admit, you’re right there. Oh. Look. *points at sky* Is that Gander?

NOSEY: Yes! He’s coming for me!

J.Q. Is the interview really over?

NOSEY: Well, he’s not overhead yet. I might have time for a quick couple more questions.

J.Q. Ask away.

NOSEY: That Buttons you just talked about which Gloria had to dog-sit. You know, he really didn’t have any buttons.

J.Q. Didn’t he? I believe Ethel tried to sew on a few buttons, but his hide is a bit thick for the needle. No, really, his black eyes and black wet nose reminded his owner of sparkly buttons. Just between you and me, on his underside he does have a belly button. *purses lips* Your expression tells me there’s something you want to say which has nothing whatsoever to do with belly buttons.

NOSEY: Heh heh, I have many adoring fans --really! But, uh, your Ethel-- *lowers voice* she wrote me a love letter.

J.Q. *gasps* What? You mean that curmudgeonly old lady is looking for love? I am shocked! Watch out, Nosey. She is a very determined old woman. Once she makes up her mind to do something, she will not be swayed. You’re in her sights, and when she has you in the crosshairs, there’s no getting away.

NOSEY: You’re not serious!

J.Q. *spreads hands* I wonder what she sees in you. Oh, excuse me, I. B. I mean, you probably have something she wants. Er, there must be something likable about you. Oh wait a minute…I think I am digging a deeper hole here. Anyway, how about this? We’ll make up a fake obituary notice! Old people usually read the obituary column first to make sure they are still alive in the morning. She’ll see yours *jabs index finger against Nosey’s chest* and that will stop the love letters and her smothering desire for you. But wait, what if you really like Ethel?  Well, then. You two could move away together and we’d be rid of both of you!!

NOSEY: *edges away* You’re spooking me out, lady. Come on,Gander! *glances up as helicopter draws closer* Hurry, man!

J.Q. Hmm. *continues to finger Nosey’s jacket sleeve* Of course, you couldn’t be buried in this old ratty-tatty thing. You know, Jim is a kind-hearted, thoughtful kind of guy. And your jacket is, well, a bit worn I could say.

NOSEY: W--what’s wrong with my jacket?

J.Q. Just that Jim could offer a better one. And the weather is so mild on Gum Drop Island, you don’t need to wear a jacket that often. I imagine your boss requires you to dress up just for the interviews, huh? Why doesn’t she pay you enough so you can afford a new jacket? This thing you’re sporting looks like it must have come off the Ark.

NOSEY: My boss? You mean *swallows* M.M.?

J.Q. Is there another? Oh. Hey! *points toward yard* Look who woke up from his nap. Nosey, say hello to Slinky.

NOSEY: Ack! *tears away as python slithers up porch steps* I’m saying Adios! Gander, unroll the ladder! *vaults over porch railing, streaks across grass, makes flying leap and grasps bottom rung of rope ladder*

J.Q. Watch out, Nosey! You’re going to slam into Teddy Bear’s tree! 

TEDDY BEAR: ROOOAAARRRR

NOSEY: Pull me up, Gander! Pull! Pull! Aaaiiiiii!!

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Buy link for The Good Neighbors at Amazon.

Visit J.Q. Rose at her blog and site.

Royalties from the sale of The Good Neighbors are donated to local food pantries.

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***NOTE FROM JQ: It’s been kinda fun here. But, I must leave Gum Drop Island so I can get back in time for the party at the community center. I think there’s an Elvis impersonator there for entertainment.***

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?