Ahoy Gum Drop!

I.B. Nosey is Swamped by Pamela S. Thibodeaux

NOSEY: Greetings, cypernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter coming to you live from the bayou in Lake Charles, Louisiana, and I --uh…*swat!* Man, these mosquitoes are big enough to carry you back to their nest!

PT: They love the swamps. And yeah, we grow ‘em big down here.

NOSEY: Why did we have to meet in a swamp?

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

PT: That’s what I want to ask Gander! Why did he dump you here, and then have me meet you here? Is this the way you interview authors? It’s highly unprofessional.

NOSEY: Don’t get frumpy with me, girlie. I’m the one holding this microphone and I don’t even want to think what’ll happen if it makes contact with the water.

PT: Oh, bother. *sprays bug repellant down the length of both arms* What I have to do for promotion!

NOSEY: You and me both. *steps gingerly beneath clump of Spanish moss* Let’s get a move on, huh?

PT: Suits me. The sooner I return to my air-conditioned condo the happier I’ll be.

NOSEY: Air conditioning? *gulps* Promise you’ll take me back with you.

PT: *shrugs* Maybe. But I paid five bucks for this airtime, so make it worth my while.

NOSEY: Okay, sure. No sweat, except…*rubs palm across forehead*…well, maybe a little. *clears throat* As I was saying to you readers out there in cyberspaceland, I’m here today with award winning author Pamela S.Thibodeaux, the co-founder and a lifetime member of Bayou Writers Group in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Pamela, tell our audience a little about yourself.

PT: Gladly. I’m multi-published in romantic fiction as well as creative non-fiction. My writing’s been tagged as, “Inspirational with an Edge!” ™ and reviewed as “steamier and grittier than the typical Christian novel without decreasing the message.”

NOSEY: And what book are you discussing today?

PT: Cathy’s Angel.

NOSEY: I managed to glimpse the back blurb before Gander tilted the copter and I shot out the door, but it said something like, ‘Single mom Cathy Johnson is tired of running her life alone…’ Is that right?

PT: So you fell out of the copter? *shakes head* No. I don’t want to know. Anyway, yes, that’s right about the blurb. It reads, ‘Single mom Cathy Johnson is tired of running her life alone…what she needs is a well-trained angel to help out. Jared Savoy gave up the dream of having a family when he discovered he is sterile. Can a confirmed bachelor and the mother of four find love amid normal daily chaos?’

NOSEY: What got me curious --ouch! *swats at another mosquito* Uh, what I was saying -- why is Cathy single?

PT: Well Nosey, Cathy is not single by choice, she is a widow. Her poor dear husband left her with little money, a house that needs minor repairs and four active children ranging in age from 3 - 11 (including a set of twins!).

NOSEY: Certainly sounds like she needs help! What kind of ‘normal daily chaos’ faces Jared when he shows up?

PT: His first appearance is as surprising to Cathy as it is to him and she ain’t happy about it one bit! You see, the one constant stress reliever in Cathy’s life is her morning run... where she spends quiet, alone time communing with God. So when Jared appears on her road, she immediately resents his intrusion -- unintentional on his part of course. As a result of her nasty attitude, she sprains an ankle after which Jared becomes her hero (or angel). As for normal daily chaos--how else would YOU explain getting 4 children ready for their day?!

NOSEY: Oh yeah, good point that. Hey…*scratches at fresh bite*…can I use some of that repellant?

PT: Sorry, Nosey. All used up.

NOSEY: Well…*ducks from hornet circling overhead*…can I just say that your book is the best I’ve ever read and that everyone needs to buy it?

PT: Certainly, you can!

NOSEY: Great. Now…*splashes through water as he runs toward bank*…let’s end the interview and get back to that air-conditioned condo.

PT: You cheapskate! Not so fast! *grabs Nosey* I paid for this interview, and my meter shows I’ve only used fifty cents. *holds up timed meter* I have more questions due me, mister.

NOSEY: B--but--but…*points to surroundings*…I’m standing knee deep in the middle of a swamp and there’s obviously a hornet’s nest in that tree!

PT: That hornet could care less about you. *moves to block his way* So, shall I talk of how dreamy my hero, Jared, is?

NOSEY: No! I mean…*steps back from seeing Pam’s raised eyebrow*… I--I--that is, why does your Jared try to stop Cathy from receiving one of my autographed photos? I take it he’s not one of my fans?  

PT: Of course Jared is a fan! He just doesn’t want you to be bothered - I mean, Jared understands how, although appreciated, constant badgering for an autograph can be bothersome and he doesn’t want you to feel obligated nor does he appreciate the thought that Cathy would be so bold as to impose on your privacy this way!

NOSEY: *gives suspicious look* Yeah?

PT: Absolutely!

NOSEY: Well, I have some news for you. He’s not too smart as he asked advice from me on how to become an instant dad!

PT: Hmm. *frowns in thought* You’re right. He’s not too smart if he asked you.

NOSEY: Huh? *blinks* No, that’s not what I--

PT: But he is maybe a bit naïve. Because he thinks you’re so very smart and intelligent and frankly Jared (and I) believe you have the answer to all of life’s problems!

NOSEY: *scratches bridge of nose* Why do I get the feeling you’re pulling my leg?

PT: Not me. *points at water* It’s that turtle.

NOSEY: Yikes! *leaps* It’s as big as a submarine!

PT: What can I say? Just like the mosquitoes, we grow ‘em big down here.

NOSEY: That’s it! Interview over!

PT: *holds up meter* Not yet. Two more minutes, buster. I get my money’s worth, or else I take off and leave you standing here.

NOSEY: *groans* These authors and their promotion gimmicks! Okay, okay. Two more minutes. *balances unsteadily on top of rotten log* Uh…I understand you plan for the happy couple to honeymoon at Gum Drop Island?

PT: Doesn’t every happy couple?

NOSEY: Right. But, what’s going to happen with all those kiddies? Heathcliff will be one upset possum if small fries like them run screaming and laughing amongst all the peppermint bushes and gingerbread shrubs.

PT:  Oh the kids will be along for the honeymoon of course! Where else? After all, Jared & Cathy just can’t leave them alone. Heathcliff doesn’t have to worry though, all four of Cathy’s children will spend lots of time snuggling up with him and making sure Heathcliff is the center of their attention!

NOSEY: *stares* You obviously have never met Heathcliff. And he’s already sore at one of those kids.

PT: *gasps* Really? Whatever for?

NOSEY: Because everyone arriving at Gum Drop Island needs to speak Possumese, but the “Learn Possumese” manual was flushed down the toilet.

PT: By one of Cathy’s children? Are you sure? Oh, well. She’s a work-at-home mom who does transcription work for doctors and lawyers as well as other desktop publishing projects...and she is more than willing to recreate the manual -- who knows, with her expertise, the Possumese manual might be even better once revised and rewritten!

NOSEY: I doubt anyone --hey, what are you doing? Don’t!

PT: Get away! *swats at hornet* That’s bug repellant, not perfume, you aggravating insect.

NOSEY: Don’t call them names! It makes them mad!

PT: Well, he is not welcome around my person. *swings meter at hornet, and it buzzes loudly*

NOSEY: Not me! *swoops and dodges* I didn’t hit you! Aack! *falls off log and splatters hard*

PT: Oh, Nosey, it’s called out reinforcements! They’re headed straight for you!

NOSEY: Gander! Bring the chopter! *streaks across top of water, mob of hornets streaming behind*

PT: Wait! *rushes to motorboat and starts engine* Let’s race, Nosey! It’s only three miles to my condo!

NOSEY: Heeellllpppp!!!!

BUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Visit Pamela at her site, blog, writer's group, FaceBook and Twitter.

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NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Has a Fun (?) Day With Laurean Brooks

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cybernauts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter, and today I'm coming to you live outside from Nashville, TN at a little place called the 'Fill'er Up & Keep On Perkin' Coffee Shop'. Gander's wanting me to trot down to Music City and find his favorite singer, a Miss MegaLungs, but since he dropped me about a mile short of my destination, I'm going to make a detour and take some refreshment inside. *opens door and enters* Hello, folks!

ELDERLY WOMAN 1: *peers over glasses from where she’s perched at counter * Where did you come from?

NOSEY: Down the road, a dirt road. *bends and dusts pants legs* Don’t they grow paved roads in this part of the world?

ELDERLY WOMAN 2: *nudges friend* Who is he? He’s carrying a microphone. Maybe he’s a talent scout.

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

NOSEY: I’m not a scout, but I have talent. Just ask any of my fans.

ELDERLY WOMAN 1: Fans? From where? You don’t look like a contestant for ‘American Idol’.

ELDERLY WOMAN 2: There’s something familiar about him, Mabel. *giggles and clicks false teeth* Let’s check him over.

NOSEY: Easy, old gals.*stumbles backward while edging away* Don’t need any sticky-bun fingers creasing my famous tweedy-weedy jacket.

LB: Oh, Mister! Yoo hoo! *woman waves hand and rises from behind table filled with display of books* Are you here for my signing?

WOMAN 2: *glares* He says he’s a talent scout.

NOSEY: She’s an author? *brightens* That’s just the kind of talent I’m scouting for. *hurries over and takes a seat* Thanks for rescuing me, lady. I owe you one.

LB: You sure do. Everyone in town knows that old Mabel and Marble are on the hunt for men. And they’ll…*looks Nosey up and down* accept anything.

NOSEY: Heh heh, guess I’ve made their day, huh?

LB: Well, it doesn’t take much to excite them. Here. *hands Nosey one of her books* You’re flushed from that long walk. Use this to fan yourself.

NOSEY: Thanks again! *takes book and gasps at cover* You’re Laurean Brooks, author of A Decision of Trust?

LB: Oh. *bats lashes* You’ve heard of me?

NOSEY: I’ll say! You’re kin to Garth, right?

LB: Uh, not when I last checked. Why are you waving that microphone around?

NOSEY: Trying to shake the dirt out of it. *blows into it and coughs from cloud of dust* Ms. Brooks, how about an interview for my listening audience?

LB: *claps hands together*An interview? Really? Is it live?

NOSEY: As live as a dead microphone can be. But it’s the least I can do for you saving me from Miss M and M over there. *gives considering gaze around room* Why do those initials sound familiar to me?

LB: Okay. *takes deep breath* I’m ready. Fire away your questions.

NOSEY: Since you aren’t related to Garth, what else can we learn about you?

LB: Well, for starters, my hubby and I live in the sticks. Our current family includes two lab dogs and a long-haired black tomcat--all strays who worked their way into our hearts and lives. Ahh, what would we do without our precious pets? We probably have the only cat who goes walking with me and the “big dogs” every evening, weather permitting. Problem is, the cat doesn’t come home until he’s good and ready.

NOSEY: *mumbles* Why do all these authors have animals?

LB: Did you say something?

NOSEY: Er…only-- anything else about your heroes or heroines?

LB: Sure. I write G-rated tales of romance about chivalrous heroes who live to rescue their little ladies, and spunky heroines who can wrap those bigger-than-life heroes around their little fingers with just one flex.

NOSEY: Chivalrous heroes.*chuckles* Sounds like you wrote about me.

LB: Oh. *glances at Mabel and Marble* Really?

NOSEY: Ahem. Your book. Tell us about your book, and let’s start with the blurb. What does it say here on the back? *squints at print*

LB: Your glasses need cleaning. Here. I’ll read it. *turns book over* Amanda Wilkes is forced into the work scene when her philandering husband is killed, leaving mountains of debt. She finds a position at Tyler Law Firm. But, Jake Tyler's steely eyes make her have second thoughts. Or could it be the chemistry she feels? Amanda wants to avoid a relationship at all costs after a horrific marriage.

NOSEY: *nods* Makes sense. How does Jake feel?

LB: Jake’s resolve to raise his young son alone teeters with one glance into Amanda's beautiful eyes. One look at her spacious Victorian home and he wants to know why a woman of her status wants a job. And why does Amanda weep over sad love songs?

NOSEY: She weeps? Hm. It so happens that I’m the reporter for Gum Drop Island confectionary plantation. Lots of interesting characters reside there and…

LB: So you’re that reporter! Yes, I know about Gum Drop Island.

NOSEY: Hey. *gives big grin* You’re my kind of author! Well, I was just gonna suggest that if Jake doesn't want her to cry over sad love songs, why doesn't he hire Heathcliff to sing and console her? Has he got something against possum superstars?

LB: Jake isn’t like you and me. He doesn't understand Possumese. So, how the heck would he know what Heathcliff was singing to Amanda? Super star or not, Heathcliff might be trying to make his move on her! That ain't gonna happen if Jake can help it!

NOSEY: You got that all wrong. Heathcliff is honorable and wouldn’t-- *breaks off as M and M huddle in private conversation, gesturing wildly* Uhhh, what was I saying?

LB: We’re talking about my characters, Jake and Amanda.

NOSEY: Right, right, so we were. *clears throat and turns shoulder to older women* Did we finish that blurb? Let’s see..’A villain is in the camp, out to destroy Amanda. Why does the “other” secretary at Tyler Law Firm scheme to get Amanda fired? Will Amanda muster the courage to love again? Can love be rekindled in Jake when he still grieves over his deceased wife?’

LB: You’re frowning. Don’t you think the blurb is romantic?

NOSEY: It’s not that. Just reading here about Jake bringing pizza or Chinese food to Amanda. You’re a Gum Drop Island gal, you said. How come Jake didn’t take any of that yumminess to the girl he’s sweet on?

LB:  First off, Jake has to take his son, Lance, into consideration. The child gets hyper on sugar. All kinds of things slip out of the child's mouth when he eats sweets. Sometimes Jake knees his son under the table to get him to shut up. *giggles* Once Lance asked Jake, “Dad, since we need a place with a big yard--so I can get a dog--why don't you get Amanda to be my new mom? Her yard is huge!”

NOSEY: The kid makes sense, huh? So everything gets wrapped up real nice and…well…sweet?

LB: Hey, don’t forget there’s a villain involved. She causes trouble!

NOSEY: That’s right. What’s the baddie’s name?

LB: Corinne. She’s a haughty dictator. She thinks she's second in command at Tyler Law Firm. She's run off all the former secretaries by making them look inept. Now she's trying to do the same to Amanda. She's enraged when she finds out Jake let Amanda keep his son while he went on a business trip. That was her job previously. Corinne even stoops to theft. She wants to sink those long fuchsia nails into Jake.

NOSEY: You’re looking like you’d want to sink some nails into Corinne yourself!

LB:  I want Corinne to get her come-uppance for what she did to Amanda. Stealing her flash drive that held all the firm's documents, then deleting them from her hard drive, too. *shakes finger* Bad villain, bad villain.

NOSEY: *leans closer and lowers voice* What do you think Mabel and Marble are plotting?

LB: Who? *blinks* Those aren’t characters in my book.

NOSEY: No! I mean them! *points toward counter*

LB: They’re chugging down some Caffeinated Java Coffee Cooler. I’d say they’re getting themselves all wound up.

NOSEY: For…*gulps*…what?

LB: Maybe they plan to race over here and buy some of my books! *gives Nosey eager grin* C’mon, let’s motivate them. Ask some more questions.

NOSEY: Uh, okay. *glances uncertainly at M and M* So, does Jake and Amanda hit it right off?

LB: Not at first. She wonders if he might be a womanizer!

NOSEY: Whoa! How come?

LB:  Amanda is suspicious of men in general, after being married to a philanderer. Jake's piercing, cobalt-blue eyes make her suspicious, especially when she realizes they are alone in the office.

NOSEY: They were alone? I thought he has a receptionist.

LB: Yes. Willa. But she wasn’t with Jake and Amanda at that time. Do you know Jake caught her reading The Mishaps of Gum Drop Island and he fainted dead away!

NOSEY: You don’t mean it! What’s the matter with that dude?

LB: Jake doesn't like vultures. When Willa let him read the section where the Good Ship Sugar Daddy landed at Moldy Corners in search of Mort the Mothball Millionaire, Jake really got caught up in the story. When he read the part where they walked up to the iron gate and three large vultures landed on it, he turned white as a sheet.

NOSEY: So, who woke him out of that faint?

LB: *hesitates* I haven’t written that part yet.

NOSEY: Well, speaking of the Good Ship Sugar Daddy, are you aware that Amanda’s dead husband--while he was CEO of his company (which stands for Cheap Egotistical Ogre)--was involved in trying to shanghai said vessel?

LB: *gasps* No! Really?

NOSEY: *gives affirmative nod* Fact. Is there anything Jake can do in clearing up the red tape to get that girl back to Gum Drop Island?

LB:  He could ask Heathcliff and Gander to join him in the investigation. And you could interview all who were on board at the time of the incident to get to the bottom of this awful crime! *wrinkles forehead in concern* I hope no one was hurt.

NOSEY: *whispers* Don’t look now, but Mabel and Marble are shuffling this way.

LB: Maybe they want to be interviewed. Everyone loves reporters, you know. Except…*places finger on cheek in musing gesture* Amanda.

NOSEY: Huh? What’s she got against journalists? Wouldn’t she like to appear in my company?

LB: Possibly. *shrugs* I think she’d see you as cute and harmless in a bumbling sort of way. Besides, if your questions got “too” nosy, Jake Tyler would intervene. And, believe me, you wouldn't want to take on a muscle-bound 6' 2'' Adonis! Or…*gives sly glance* would you?

NOSEY: Not me, but I sure wish he was here to fend off them! *shrieks as Mabel and Marble stop before table*

MABEL: He must be from a tv show, Marble. *flicks hands in mid-air* Isn’t it exciting! I’m all tingly!

MARBLE: *snorts* Nitwit. They’re only asleep.

LB: *stands up* Have you joined us to buy a copy of my book?

MABEL: Book, snook. Gimme that man! *lunges across table for Nosey*

NOSEY: Aack! *turns over chair as he jumps to feet* Quick, Ms. Brooks, what’s the fastest exit out of this joint?

LB: *points to window* There’s the Hop Along Clackety garbage truck, if you don’t mind--

NOSEY: I don’t mind the city dump at all! *screams into microphone* Gander, are you there? I’m headed for the landfill! *pivots and rushes past women as he speeds to the door*

MABEL: You can run, but you can’t hide. My caffeine is perking, sonny. *tennis shoes smoke as she streaks after Nosey* You have to get me on television! Listen! *pulls out false teeth and makes them chatter* My dentures sing!

LB: Hm. *stares out window to watch Nosey fleeing from advancing women* Wonder if I should’ve told him the driver only pulled in here to repair his four flat tires?  

**********

Visit Laurean Brooks at her blog.

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NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Meets Heather Justesen

 NOSEY: Greetings, cyber-nuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. And sad news to say, my computer has died. For some odd reason, Gander informed me there wasn’t enough funds in the budget to repair it, so here I am at this computer store in hopes the owners might take pity on me. Let’s see, the name says, ‘Heather Justesen, PC Extraordinaire, & Author 2 Boot’.Okay. *knocks on door and woman opens it. Nosey breaks into wide smile* Greetings, my fair woman! You must be Heather Justesen, the Extraordinaire Expert. I’m I.B. Nosey, that official unofficial reporter—

HJ: Yeah, yeah. It’s too early in the morning to be greeted by Mr. Sunshine.

NOSEY: *looks over shoulder* Are you expecting him?

HJ: *sighs* What’s your problem?

NOSEY: I have a broken computer. I don’t carry cyber money with me, but I can pay you with a free trip aboard the Good Ship Sugar Daddy to Gum Drop Island.

HJ: *brightens* Hey, you’re talking up my alley, fellow. Always did want to sail there. *takes laptop and carries it to counter*

NOSEY: Doesn’t everyone? Uh, mind if I ask…*treads slowly between two waddling ducks who pecks at his shoe tops*…why all these animals are here?

HJ: That’s only a couple, not all of them. There’s also a cat named Natasha and two dogs: Molly and Jelly Bean, plus an assortment of poultry including chickens, more ducks, guineas, a tom turkey and geese -- even a very bossy gander. *takes computer and gives it a good shake*

NOSEY: Whoa, there! You really do know how to work on a computer, right?

HJ: *slaps hand on hip and glares* For your information, I attended Snow College and Southern Utah University where I earned a BA in English Lit.

NOSEY: Er…what does English Lit have to do with repairing a computer’s brains?

HJ: Absolutely nothing.

NOSEY: *gives an anxious glance around room* Anyone else know anything about computers?

HJ: My hubby does. He and I both own this business.

NOSEY: Maybe he should take a look at my pc?

HJ: Can’t. He’s busy.

NOSEY: Doing what?

HJ: Boy, you are nosy! Well, we were foster parents for two years.

NOSEY: So, he’s minding a kid?

HJ: Possibly. Then again, we’re both A-EMTs for our local volunteer ambulance department, and we’re heavily involved in church and community organizations.

NOSEY: Meaning?

HJ: Meaning you’re stuck with me and my extraordinaire prowess.

NOSEY: Uh…*drums fingers on countertop* that’s a delicate piece of equipment, you know.

HJ: Really? It weighs a ton. What do you keep in it? Cement?

NOSEY: *spreads hands* Only my zillions and zillions of cyberspace interviews! And hey…*picks book off seat of one-legged stool* You’re an author!

HJ: Could be why the sign over the door read: ‘Author 2 Boot’, huh?

NOSEY: Heh heh. Well, my microphone is always with me, so while you extraordinaire on that machinery, how about answering questions from this extraordinaire reporter? 

HJ: The mike’s live, you mean?

NOSEY: We’re plugged in straight to Gander at the control booth.

HJ: Cool! Interview away.

NOSEY: All right. Here we go: I see the title is ‘Family by Design’. What’s it about?

HJ: My hero, Tucker, and heroine Rena. See, Tucker’s on his way to the biggest challenge of his life. Rena already has it all—except a family of her own. But neither one expected their friendship would take such a dramatic turn.

When Tucker becomes the guardian of his newly orphaned niece and nephew, he knows he can’t handle them alone, not when he might be shipped out with the Marines at any moment. Desperate, he turns to Rena for a major favor. His marriage proposal would give her everything she wants, but can she learn to live without the romance she’s always dreamed of?

As time, prayer, and a life-changing kiss work a little magic in her heart, Rena wonders if someone up there has a plan for her that’s better than anything she could’ve come up with on her own. And though it seems crazy at first, this could become her chance for a marriage that will last for eternity.

NOSEY: Maybe your Tucker should have used some romance. Doesn’t he understand that a box of Gum Drop Island chocolates will melt any woman’s heart? He should offer those.

HJ: *nods* He should have, then she wouldn’t have needed that heart-stopping kiss to convince her that they could make the marriage work as more than just friends. Of course, a really terrific kiss is an acceptable substitute for high-quality chocolates, and I think he said he couldn’t find any of Gum Drop Island’s chocolates in the short period of time before their date so he did the best he could.

NOSEY: Couldn’t find them before their date? Everyone knows where Gum Drop Island is! What’s the matter with that fella?

HJ: He joined the Marines, remember? *takes screwdriver and removes computer screen*

NOSEY: But he really didn’t need to, you know. He could easily find a job at Sir Yuri Wiseguy-eh’s confectionary plantation. *peers over Heather’s shoulder and she moves away*

HJ: That’s a thought. The plantation did sound ideal—who wouldn’t want to live on Gum Drop Island? But boys who play with toy guns grow up to become Marines who handle a different kind of weaponry--like guns that shoot gum drops.

NOSEY: *gasps* He doesn’t shoot gum drops?

HJ: Let me rephrase that. The cool weaponry that shoots gum drops out from the barrel.

NOSEY: Right. Okay. Hey, you’re frowning at my pc.

HJ: Yes, I most certainly am. Next question?

NOSEY: *clears throat* That Tucker sure does sound like he has a dilemma with those kids. You know, before he proposed to Rena, he should have asked for advice.

HJ: Who from?

NOSEY: Well…yours truly, of course! I’m always available to help lovesick couples with their problems.

HJ: I can’t imagine you as a Dear Abby, Nosey, but with Tucker -- well, you know how those military types are. They always have to be strong and to take care of things on their own. I told Tucker he should’ve checked in with someone as smart as…*hesitates*…you, but he just didn’t listen.

NOSEY: You told him that, eh? *puffs out chest* Come on, now. What’s the best thing you adore about me?

HJ: Adore? *scratches head* Certainly not your choice in computers! But, on the other hand, you know what great fliers ganders are. They’re also very good at alerting a body to danger—always important when a person might have hordes of screaming fans chasing after them as I’m sure you’re well aware. *gives sidelong glance* Right?

NOSEY: You betcha! Oh, wait. I’m getting a text. *checks cell phone* Well, of all things!

HJ: Something important come in?

NOSEY: I’ll say. Heathcliff has just alerted me to the fact that he’s very disturbed that Rena asked him to be the ring bearer at the wedding! What’s with your gal? Doesn’t she comprehend that our furry little possum is a detective, not a wedding flunkie????

HJ: *screws screen back onto laptop* Well, she tried to get Derek to be ring bearer first, but he insisted he was ‘too old’ for the job—he’s only seven, but you know how little boys can be, and she was desperate. I’m betting she figured Heathcliff wouldn’t be nearly as sensitive about the age thing, and really, they had so little time to plan, I think she was desperate for the help.

NOSEY: Hm. And another thing Heathcliff’s informing me of is that Tucker’s niece and nephew idolize me and want to become cyber reporters too!

HJ: *takes startled step backwards* Are you serious?

NOSEY: I have no problem with their idolizing me. Heh heh, who doesn’t? But I’m the only cyber reporter in cyberspace! These kids are sulking and have stowed away on the Good Ship Sugar Daddy. Claim they’re not about to get off until they reach Gum Drop Island. *stares at Heather* Kids let loose on a confectionary plantation? That’s as bad a scenario as…well, kids in a candy store, you know?

HJ: *gives understanding nod* It’s a good thing Tucker has a whole unit of Marines he can call on to help bring them back. It’ll be their first time doing maneuvers through chocolate streams and almond joy trees, though. Oh dear, I hope the island doesn’t take any damage!

NOSEY: Say what? What kind of damage? Ooh. Gotta warn Yuri Wiseguy-eh. *texts madly*

HJ: Yes, tell him to get those children off the island!

NOSEY: Wait. *sighs with relief* All is fine. Tucker packed them up one under each arm and trotted off into the wild blue yonder. Gum Drop Island is undamaged!

HJ: That’s good. *mutters under breath* Can’t say the same for this pc.

NOSEY: Eh? What’s the diagnosis?

HJ: Tell me something. You allow Heathcliff to use this, don’t you?

NOSEY: Sure thing.

HJ: Uh huh. Well, you’ve just wasted my time.

NOSEY: How’s that? You’re getting a great interview, aren’t you? Everyone now knows you’re a stupendous author, that you care about animals, you attended Snow College--though that has absolutely nothing to do with computer repair--and that when you aren’t in the writing zone, you…um, you…*furrows brow* what do you do, otherwise?

HJ: Right now I’m cub master for my local pack, and I really love to garden, though I could use Tucker’s friends to help with some of the heavy lifting. *giggles* Marines have lots of muscles, so they’d do an awesome job of that. *gets serious* And I’m co-chair of a big writer’s conference in my area this spring--which has been both fun and illuminating. I also really like to bake yummy stuff like cake—I really love cake decorating. *shuts laptop* I’m trying to replicate some recipes of things they grow on Gum Drop Island, but so far my efforts have been woefully inadequate. Shucks.

NOSEY: Don’t feel bad. Others have tried and failed too. Only Wrap Periwinkle, the chef at Gum Drop Island, can concoct those culinary delights.

HJ: Okay. Well, Nosey, don’t feel bad when I say nothing can be done for this computer. *hands it back*

NOSEY: Huh? But you’re an extraordinaire!

HJ: Yes, for normal computers! This one is crammed with Heathcliff’s pawprints all through it.

NOSEY: I don’t get you.

HJ: Possumese. Get it now?

NOSEY: I have no problem with that. I understand Possumese.

HJ: Maybe you do, but all the Possumese code that Heathcliff has subjected this thing to…well, your pc doesn’t translate.

NOSEY: It’s not fixed?

HJ: Let’s just say, you need to convince Gander of a new budget. Now. *dusts hands together* I’ll take those tickets for a sail on the Good Ship Sugar Daddy.

NOSEY: Ha! *snorts* When you didn’t repair my machine?

HJ: Listen, buster. I did the work, I expect to be paid.

NOSEY: You think I give tickets for free? What d’ya take me for? Ouch! What are you doing? *jumps as Heather gives a sharp kick to his shinbone*

HJ: I’m an ‘Author 2 Boot’, and these boots aren’t meant for walking. So gimme those tickets, or I’m gonna boot you to Never Never Land.

NOSEY: Eek! Ow! *leaps toward doorway as Heather follows behind* Gander, help! *yells into microphone as quacking ducks join in and bite at his ankles* Can the budget afford tickets to Gum Drop Island? *shrieks as Heather stomps his toes* Whaddaya mean I got to wait till the fiscal year? Aiiii!!! *flees from building with Heather and all of her animals in hot pursuit* Time won’t let me wait that long, GANDER!!!!!

*************

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Visit Heather at her website and follow on Twitter

#############################################

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

NOSEY: Greetings, cyber-nuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter.Today I’m standing before a door marked ‘lab’ and from all the commotion I hear coming through the wood, I’m…um…well, Gander? *whispers into microphone* Are you sure I won’t encounter a Frankenstein monster on the other side?

*door is yanked open and man stands in threshold, face obscured by bug-ugly gas mask*

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

NOSEY: *gasps* He’s real! He’s alive!

*man clutches sleeve of Nosey’s jacket as he spins around to flee*

MAN: Hey! *removes mask with other hand and grins at Nosey* You here for my interview?

NOSEY: Uhhh…*gulps* That depends.

MAN: Come inside. Sorry about the odor, but I’m cooking up my lunch.

NOSEY: *coughs from fumes of billowing smoke that engulfs the room* What in the world can you be brewing?

MAN: Have no idea, currently. *waves arms to dissipate smoke* I’m a retired chemist, so I’m always adding a bit of this and a snatch of that to my recipes. It’s interesting to see how my finished creations turn out.

NOSEY: Phew. *wipes tears from eyes with jacket cuff* So you really are Larry Hammersley, the author I’m to interview today?

LH: Yep. *walks to bunsen burner and picks up test tube. Gives careful sniff and glances at Nosey* Care for a sample of whatever’s inside here?

NOSEY: Thanks, dude, but I’ll pass. *looks around at chaos inside room* You’re positive you’re a bona-fide chemist?

LH: Sure thing. I have a BS in chemistry from Purdue and MS in chemistry from IU.

NOSEY: BS, huh? *raises brows*

LH: Why do I get the impression you’re thinking of something else?

NOSEY: Ahem. *clears throat* So. Care to relate to our listening audience about these books of yours?

LH: Capital idea. Let’s start with my recent ebook, Beautiful, Inside and Out. It released from The Wild Rose Press February 15, 2012 via their Vintage Rose line.

NOSEY: And what’s all the beautiful stuff about?

LH: Oh, that’s Bess Simpson. She’s a sharp aeronautical engineering student, and she has her eye on Art Fuller. But he’s joined at the hip with petite Angie, the drum major. See, Bess despairs because she’s overweight.

NOSEY: Ah. Ate too much of your creative inventions, huh?

LH: Can’t say that she ever did, actually. *takes sip from test tube and gives considering frown* Might need a touch more guanidine nitrate.

NOSEY: *sidesteps puddle on floor that bubbles and hisses like a miniature volcano* Your Bess. Will she be able to win Art from Angie?

LH: That’s what she wonders. The little drum major tells Bess to stay away from him, so…what’s she gonna do?

NOSEY: I see her dilemma. Does she ever spend time with Art?

LH: They meet at a piano recital and she learns he’s weak in math. Being in metallurgical engineering provides a common ground and she tutors him. But, what does Art think of her? And what hold does Angie have on Art that makes him hesitate to break up with her?

NOSEY: *mutters under breath* Maybe she’s a good cook?

LH: What’s that? *glances up from where he rummages through drawer*

NOSEY: Uh, nothing. Hey, fella, just curious. You married?

LH: Oh, yeah. Was 49 years with Sue last December. We have two children, and six grandchildren. Why?

NOSEY: Just wondered why you try to cook your own meals.

LH: Well, like I said. I’m retired. Besides writing, I need some other kind of hobby.

NOSEY: You do anything else other than…*gestures to encompass their surroundings* this?

LH:  Uh huh. I enjoy running -- when I’m not injured, that is. And I do amateur radio. But my passion is for writing when something else doesn’t interfere with that endeavor.

NOSEY: What other kind of writing are we talking about?

LH: Oh, several short stories on the internet at various sites. They’re all sweet romance ebooks.

NOSEY: Sweet? Like in candy? You know, your Bess -- goodies from Gum Drop Island are not fattening, so I’m thinking your gal indulged in so-called ‘delights’ grown somewhere other than Gum Drop Island.

LH: And I’d say you’re right. Yes.  She indulged in butterscotch pudding.  The non-fat variety was not found on Gum Drop Island.

NOSEY: What’s ya holding there, pal? *eyes object LH withdrew from cabinet*

LH: Hold still. *before Nosey can move away, LH scrapes steel instrument over his wrist*

NOSEY: Ouch! What are you up to?

LH: Don’t mind me, simply taking a sample. *deposits skin cells down length of a microscope slide*

NOSEY: No need to check if I’m real. I’m the only, the original I.B.Nosey, the man with fans.

LH: Right. *chuckles* I’ve read your blog.

NOSEY.: Oh. Well. In that case…uh, where were we? *snaps fingers in sudden remembrance* Gum Drop Island. Yeah. Were you aware that Heathcliff offered his help in tutoring Art, but your guy run away? What’s up with that?

LH: It was Heathcliff’s smile and sharp teeth. Art had a bad episode as a boy when delivering newspapers on his bicycle.  A dog clamped onto his leg and he has constant nightmares of teeth from every imaginable animal coming at him.

NOSEY: No fooling? *whistles* Bad episode. But I’m curious as to why Art should need anybody to be his tutor. Can’t he add two and two?

LH: Art has no problem adding two and two but being in the era of slide rules he tries to multiply two and two and keeps coming up with 3.9.

NOSEY: Huh. *nods* Guess you’re right. He does need a tutor if he can’t figure out the answer is 3.7.

LH: *smirks* I’ll be sure to tell him.

NOSEY: You do that, and by the way, be sure to tell him to get all his treats for Bess at Gum Drop Island. Everything there is mouth-watering yummy’licious. Which goodie might he pick, you think?

LH: That’s a no brainer.  Although not revealed in the story, Bess’ real weakness is for Tapioca Pudding.  Art should pay a visit to the Tapioca tree on Gum Drop Island, pick the Tapioca fruit and prepare the pudding.  Beware, because Bess won’t accept the pudding unless it is the right temperature, not too cold, not too hot, and must be a pale yellow.  No bright yellow like the inferior varieties offered on the goodies bar in restaurants.

NOSEY: Offered in restaurants! You are so right on! *beams in approval, then watches quietly as LH stares at slide under microscope* Say, you’re scribbling a lot on that pad. You planning to name a new recipe after me?

LH: Oh, no. *sounds preoccupied* Just getting all my information together.

NOSEY: Okay, dude. *hesitates, scratches chin with considering hand, and then shrugs* Back to our interview. In the beginning, how was it that Art caught Bess’s eye?

LH:  Art has the right combination: deep bass voice, big nose, square jaw, tan, tall, and walks lightly like he’s on themoon.

NOSEY: On the moon? But I thought the setting was a college campus.

LH: I never said it wasn’t.

NOSEY: Heh heh, that’s true. So, if I went to their campus, where is the first place that I should stop?

LH: The Union Building to learn firsthand what being recognized as a stranger is like. *reaches for bottles on counter and taps a dram of each into a test tube* Strangers are thrown into the reflection pool in front of said building.

NOSEY: That doesn’t sound pleasant. Maybe that drum major, Angie, would help me escape that by offering a ride in her little red convertible. *lowers voice to conspirator whisper* Whaddaya say? Should I accept?

LH: If she’s driving her pickup truck the answer would be yes. Climb in and go.  But the convertible is a deathtrap, banned by Nader’s raiders as being unsafe.

NOSEY: Pickup truck it is then! *stares with wide eyes as LH uses brush over microscope slide and flicks it over contents in test tube* That’s my cells you’re putting in there? Why? I don’t want no part of me to become anybody’s lunch!

LH: I’m not inventing a meal, Nosey. I’m cloning you.

NOSEY: *gasps* Me? You’re cloning me? Are you crazy?

LH: Don’t you find the act complimentary?

NOSEY: No way, buster! The wonderful, marvelous thing about me is I’m unique! And there’s only ever gonna be one of me! *grabs test tube and rushes through doorway while screaming into microphone* Gander, get your chopper ready!

LH: Hey! Wait! *runs after Nosey, down hallway, and out of building where he pauses to catch breath. Nosey sprints and makes mad dash to clutch ladder dangling from hovering helicopter* But, Nosey, you don’t understand! *Cupping hands around mouth, LH shouts to be heard* You have the wrong tube! That’s my dessert!

***********

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Visit Larry Hammersley at his blog, and at TWRP

######################################################

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Drops In on EA West

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cyber-nuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter coming to you today from -- Ack!! Gander, you’re tilting the wrong waaaayyy *Nosey slides through open cockpit door of helicopter and tumbles through sky…boing…bong…crash*

EA: Hello, up there! *staring at Nosey who’s hanging on side of church steeple* Arrived a bit early for our interview, didn’t you?

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

NOSEY: Are you…*shouts toward where she stands on sidewalk* author E.A. West?

EA:  I am, and I’m not keen about yelling. Get down here.

NOSEY: Are you serious?

EA: Really, Nosey. You need both feet on the ground. So, let go, will ya?

NOSEY: Ohhh. *groans, gulps, and screams as he releases hold. Lands flat on his back, sprawled on the grass at EA’s feet*

EA: Well now. Right nice that you dropped in, Nosey.

NOSEY: *mutters* Wonder how that seat belt came loose?* shakes head and slowly pushes himself upright*

EA: Oh, sit right there. I’ll join you. *makes herself comfortable beside him* Now, check your microphone. Is it still working?

NOSEY: *taps mike* Gander, can you hear me? Huh? Whaddaya mean where am I?

EA: He’s with me *leans over to speak into mike* You delivered him in good time, Gander. *smiles at Nosey* Shall we begin?

NOSEY: *gives EA suspicious look* You went all out for this interview, didn’t you?

EA: Actually, you are the one who went out. But, gosh, Nosey, I’m such a fan of yours, can you blame me? *gives coy bat of lashes*

NOSEY: A fan? *brightens* Heh heh, little lady. Like you said, ‘shall we begin’? *clears throat* Will you state your name for our listening audience?

EA: Is that how it starts? Without even an ‘hello, world’? Feeling a bit abrupt this morning, are we? But then I guess that’s what you’re known for (among other things), isn’t it? *shrugs* Well, okay. Hello to you, Mr. Nosey. *gives Nosey the stern teacher look and then sighs* My name is E.A.West, and I write sweet and inspirational romance. I live in Indiana with my family and a small zoo of pets.

NOSEY: Animals, huh? *pauses* You know, for some reason, they really seem to take a…um…liking to me. What sort makes up your zoo?

EA: Would you believe that in addition to cats and dogs, I have such animals as frogs, a snake, and a freshwater lobster? Of course, the lobster was a fluke. We thought he was a crawdad at first, but it turned out we were wrong. It’s hard to tell when the little guy is only three inches long and you’ve never seen a freshwater lobster before. When I’m not writing or caring for the critters, I love to knit, crochet, and read.

NOSEY: *blinks* You…ah…keep a snake?

EA: Oh, that’s Mr. Squiggles. He’s an adorable ribbon snake who’s about two feet long now. He was less than a foot long when my brother gave him to me for Christmas a couple of years ago. I just love the slithery little guy!

NOSEY: *leaps to feet* Yikes!

EA: *laughs* I didn’t bring him with me, Nosey! Calm down.

NOSEY: *gives anxious look about* Ooh, uh, right. Ahem. So which book did you want to talk to our audience about?

EA: I have a few to choose from! Why don’t we go with The Key to Charlotte? It’s my most recent release, after all.

NOSEY: Okay. And can you share a shortie about the storyline?

EA: Absolutely. Charlotte Harris can't speak due to a quirk in her autistic brain, but that doesn't stop her from communicating with others. Unfortunately, it prevents her from achieving two of her dreams--to praise God through singing and to carry on a simple conversation with her own voice.

NOSEY: And there’s a young man, right? Isn’t there always?

EA: Of course! *grins mischievously* Zakaria Rush is the new Director of Children's Ministries at Charlotte's church, and he can't keep his thoughts off the partially mute blonde with a love for guitar music. Her innocence and love of the simple things in life intrigue him and make him long to give her what she wants more than anything: her voice. So, the question is: Can Zakaria help Charlotte find the key to unlocking her ability to speak, or will his attempt to help her only lock away their chance for love?

NOSEY: Did you say key? *fishes in pocket and extracts object* Funny thing. Yesterday I found this key hidden on Gum Drop Island beneath the leaves of a tuity-fruity jawbreaker bush. Now where might we find the lock it goes to???

EA: Is that where the key was hidden? Huh, who would’ve thought? Now, the lock is much harder to find, since it’s in Charlotte’s brain. I suppose someone --you, Nosey?--  could go looking for it, but Zakaria might get upset. After all, he’s rather fond of Charlotte. Of course, Charlotte wouldn’t be thrilled to have you digging around inside her head, either. She’s kind of picky about people touching her.

NOSEY: If she’s that picky about being touched, how does Zakaria ever get a hug out of her? Wait. *snaps fingers* Yeah. If Zakaria presents Charlotte with a box of candy from Gum Drop Island, she’d jump up and down and shout her delight from the rooftops! How come he’s not figured that out yet?

EA: Hmm. *brow puckers in considering expression* Well, he is a man. Just kidding. Given that his mind tends to be consumed with his new job as Director of Children’s Ministries, is it any wonder he’s a little distracted? Of course, now that you’ve told him the secret to delighting Charlotte, I’m sure he’ll be a regular candy buyer on Gum Drop Island. Or maybe you could help him out by slipping him a box of candy when Charlotte isn’t looking. *wink*

NOSEY: Not me, gal. She might not can speak, but I’ve already heard her YELL! And my eardrums still tingle. How can something like that slip by her…what is it? Awe --er, auld --um…

EA: Autism.

NOSEY: That’s it.

EA: Yes. Well, that’s an interesting question. Speaking from my own experience (Did I mention I’m on the autism spectrum?), autism can make a person a walking contradiction at times. I have learning disabilities in languages and struggled with English classes all through my school years, yet I’m an author and I’ve done some work as an editor. I figure it must be something similar that allows Charlotte to yell at you when she can’t speak. Either that or you just irritate her so much that even the autism can’t stop her voice.

EA: *gives sidewise glance* By the way, Nosey, what did you do that irritated her so much? Charlotte isn’t usually the yelling type. Does Zakaria need to come have a little talk with you?

NOSEY: Me? *gives nervous laugh* Say, look at the sky! Clouds are building up.

EA: Are you trying to change the subject? Nosey, you do appear uncomfortable. Are you afraid of rain?

NOSEY: Just thinking about your last answer. Um, maybe I irritated Charlotte when I ran away from her.

EA: You ran away? Whatever for?

NOSEY: She’s a bigger fan than you! Honest! And she might not like herself to be touched, but she’s…well…touchy. I couldn’t keep her hands outta my almost-there sugary-scented locks!

EA: I have to admit the scent is simply intoxicating! Besides, have you felt your locks? One touch and you’ll want to run your hands through them as well! Now, if Zakaria’s smart, he’ll let Charlotte run her hands through his own black, shaggy locks. I’m sure she’ll find his hair much more addicting than yours. No offense, Nosey, but she has a thing for Zakaria and she sees him a lot more often.

NOSEY: That’s a relief. *sighs, and then gives startled jump* Where’s that racket coming from? The church? Hey, is that your man Zakaria plucking --or trying-- to pluck a guitar? His yodeling needs some work too. *grimaces at sound of loud screech*

EA: That’s Zakaria? Yikes! I thought my cats and dogs were trying to start a band without any musical talent! Strange that he sounds so terrible. He usually has a voice that will make your heart melt, and he’s the one who taught Charlotte to play the guitar. Could it be he’s HOPING she’ll tell him how awful he sounds, just so he can hear her voice? That has to be it! *calls out with a sing-song voice* Oh, Charlotte! Be a doll and come tell Zakaria what you REALLY think about his current musical efforts. I’m sure he’ll appreciate hearing your honest opinion as much as the rest of us would.

NOSEY: There she goes. *points to direction where Charlotte approaches* Well, would you look at that? She’s having Heathcliff to lug around her heavy guitar case! *gives frown of disapproval to EA* Doesn’t she understand that he’s a world class detective, and not her flunky?

EA: *gasps* Wait. She what? Charlotte! You leave that possum alone! He has important work to do, and you can carry your own guitar case…What? Well, of course it’s adorable to see a possum with a guitar, and yes, Heathcliff is handsome, but he’s a detective, not a porter. Besides, what would Zakaria think? Hm…I bet he’d carry the case for you, if you ask nicely.

NOSEY: So…*jumps as clap of thunder rents the sky* One last question. You say you like sweet romance. Do you like it sweet because it reminds you of gum drops?

EA: Absolutely! You can’t beat gum drops, with that squishy texture and sugary outside and the yummy flavors. Mmm…gum drops… Uh, what was the question again?

NOSEY: I think it was, what’s keeping Gander??? *checks wrist watch and shifts from one foot to the other*

EA: Hmm. *rises to feet* You’re right, after all. I think a storm is brewing. We’d best head inside.

NOSEY: But Gander needs to pick me up from here. *casts anxious glance toward darkening horizon*

EA: Don’t you have enough sense to get in out of the rain?

NOSEY:  Well. I mean…hey! *waves welcoming hand* Bootlegs! What’s ya doin’ here? You should be on the Good Ship Sugar Daddy. What’s that? *listens intently as Bootlegs yells from across street*

NOSEY: Ms. West, Bootlegs says he needs a Gal Friday to head him navigate the Good Ship Sugar Daddy. Would you be willing to volunteer?

EA: Ooh! *squeals with excitement* I always wanted to be a ship’s navigator! Will Bootlegs teach me how to read the charts?

*raindrops fall and pick up speed. Nosey hesitates, darting glance between Bootlegs and EA*

EA: *ignoring rain to chatter on* And how to use all those spiffy tools and gadgets to plot a course and avoid reefs and sandbars and stuff? Oh, and I’ll need time off to write more books and knit scarves for the entire crew. I hear the wind on the high seas can be downright frigid! Can I bring Mr. Squiggles, too?

NOSEY: Uh, not with me on board. *whispers into mike* Gander, no need to come for me. I’m gettin’ outta here a different way. *steps back, staring at Bootlegs who swings on his heel*

EA: I’m sure Mr. Squiggles would love sailing, if he had a chance to try it. We’ll have to keep him away from the charts, though. One bit of spilled ink, and you’ll have squiggly snake tracks adding new features to the ocean. *blinks, and then calls out* Wait, Bootlegs! Where are you and Nosey going? *watches as Nosey and Bootlegs high-tails it to the Good Ship Sugar Daddy*

EA: *shrugs* Aw, he doesn’t want my help after all. Guess that will give me plenty of time to write! Now I just have to figure out what to do with all those scarves…

************

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Visit EA West at her site and blog.

####################################

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Meets Up with Maggie Grinnell

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter, and today I’m coming to you straight from the big outdoors! Lotsa sunshine, gentle breezes, bees are buzzing, and birds are singing in the tree branches -- Hey, watch it, pigeon!

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

MAGGIE: Here, Mister. You need this napkin more than me.

NOSEY: A gal Friday! And on a Thursday too! *snatches napkin and wipes toe of shoe*

MAGGIE: This might be Thursday, but I’m not Gal Friday.

NOSEY: Just a teaser, lady. No need to be a grouch.

MAGGIE: If you had to plan a picnic beneath where that pigeon sits, wouldn’t you be a grouch?

NOSEY: Point taken. *edges around water fountain away from tree limbs* So why did you plan a picnic in this particular spot?

MAGGIE: *sigh* Tommy Tomato chose it.

NOSEY: What’s a Tommy Tomato?

MAGGIE: He’s not a ‘what’. He’s a ‘who’.

NOSEY: *scratches head in confusion* Let’s start at the beginning. Care to tell me your name?

MAGGIE: Oh, you actually want my name? Ok. It’s Maggie Grinnell.

NOSEY: And what connection do you have with this Tommy Tomato?

MAGGIE: He’s a character in my book The Ketchup Bottle and the Takeover.

NOSEY: Uh huh. Okay. Tell me more.

MAGGIE: Sure. I started writing in 1992. I write short suspense stories, children’s books and poetry. I’m a book reviewer and staff member for Poetic Monthly magazine.

NOSEY: And this ketchup bottle thingie…what’s the relation to Tommy?

MAGGIE: Tommy’s a ketchup bottle with an ego who tries to take over the refrigerator. *gives Nosey a sly glance* Tommy will take even you out if you speak ill of him so watch out.

NOSEY: *whispers into microphone* Gander, he can’t do that, can he? Whaddaya mean you’re busy, and can’t be bothered?

MAGGIE: Nosey, move! That pigeon’s aiming for you!

NOSEY: *executes hasty side-step and bares teeth at pigeon* Ahem…Ms. Grinnell. What you said about being on the Poetic Monthly magazine. I think it’d please my boss for you to pen a rhyme about yours truly.

MAGGIE: *gives Nosey doubtful look* Really? Right here on the spot? Ok.  Nosey Nosey what can I say? Questions are asked and answered every day. Interviews authors east west north and south, anticipating for the next word coming out of their mouth. How is that?

NOSEY: Doggone good! Don’t you think so, Gander? Gander? Are you snoring?

MAGGIE: Who’s Gander? I thought you were asking about Tommy!

NOSEY: Uh, right, right. So, your Tommy. Is he cousin to Pulpy Potato?

MAGGIE: Who? Tommy is cousin to no one. At least that’s what he’s telling me right now as I’m answering this question.

NOSEY: Tommy’s here?

MAGGIE: Yep. *picks up ketchup bottle* See?

NOSEY: Hey, I remember him. Last week I wanted to use him on my hot dog, but Mikey Mustard got jealous.

MAGGIE: What’s the problem between those two? Mikey knows that ketchup is more popular than mustard so he isn’t happy. Also with Tommy’s ego and fat bottle, he feels there is no contest. He wants to be used.

NOSEY: If his ego is as fat as that bottle, I just bet! Er…what’s ya doing peeling off the label?

MAGGIE: Peeling off the label? How crude an act that would be to deface a condiment bottle. No, I wasn’t peeling the label, I was cleaning the bottle. Part of the label came off so I pasted it back on. There. *holds it up for Nosey’s inspection* Perfect!

NOSEY: Wait a minute! *adjusts glasses for closer look* Yep, thought so. This is the guy who set on the grocery shelf and glared at me!

MAGGIE: At a grocery? Please! Tommy wouldn’t go to where there would be any type of competition. Come on. His ego is too big for that.

NOSEY: *points finger at bottle* It was him, I tell ya. He said he was sick of sitting there and planned to stow away on the Good Ship Sugar Daddy over to Gum Drop Island.

MAGGIE: Hm. *tilts head in considering expression* I suppose one way he could manage that is to flirt with the tub of Red Vines in order to sneak on the ship. Tommy would then hide behind the red tub of licorice cause he feels this is the only way he can disguise himself since he is big and red himself.

NOSEY: And you know why he wanted to sail to Gum Drop Island? He said you’d booked him and all his fridge friends on the maiden voyage of the spaceship A Way Wee Go! to the planet Burp&Belch. You have to admit that doesn’t sound too appetizing, so what do you say in your defense?

MAGGIE: I plead the 5th. Excuse me *tells Tommy to stop nudging her* Where was I? Ok, again I plead the 5th.

NOSEY: *ducks as pigeon swoops off tree branch* What’s with this crazy bird?

MAGGIE: Mm, don’t look now, Nosey, but I think she likes you.

NOSEY: Shoo. Shoo! *waves bird off shoulder* Get attracted to a bird-brain of your own kind. *clears throat*…Ms. Grinnell. Smells like you have some yummy desserts in that picnic basket. Care to share?

MAGGIE: Well, there’s Chocolate Chip cookie sandwiches, Strawberry Cheesecake, Rainbow Jelly Beans and Hershey’s Mint Kisses. But, sorry. Tommy wants them all.

NOSEY: *snaps fingers* Figures! So, why are you making a face?

MAGGIE: A piece of chicken is caught between my teeth. Uh, Miss Pigeon *offers apologetic glance as bird utters inquisitive coo* I’m sure it was no cousin of yours.

NOSEY: Try this. *offers object removed from pocket* Makes a great toothpick.

MAGGIE: And it is?

NOSEY: One of Heathcliff’s toenails.

MAGGIE: *raises brows* I’ll only accept it if it’s clean.

NOSEY: What! He’s the cleanest possum on Gum Drop Island! As a matter-of-fact, he’s the only possum on Gum Drop Island. Hey, hey! *swats at pigeon as it flutters around head* Get away from my hair! Scoot! Scram!

MAGGIE: She’s trying to make a nest! *claps hands in delight* Nosey, you’re going to be a papa!

NOSEY: Not me! *flails arms and shouts at top of lungs* Who has a cat? Help! *beats a hasty path down the sidewalk*

MAGGIE:  So long, Nosey! *calls out to his retreating back* Invite me to the wedding, you hear?

PIGEON: Cooo, my luv. Coo, woo me!

NOSEY: Ack! I’m attacked by a lovesick cuckoo bird!! GANDEEERRRRRR! 

############################

Visit Maggie at her website.

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Down South with J.Q. Rose

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cyber-nauts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter, and today I’m coming to you from sunny Florida. Yes, believe it! For once Gander landed me in a place I’m familiar with.

NOSEY: Yikes! An alligator! *flees to nearest building and bounds over porch railing. Woman relaxing in chaise lounge peers at him over sunglasses*

J.Q. Thought you just said you were familiar with this place.

NOSEY: Oranges from Florida *huffs* I’m familiar with. *puffs* Alligators, not so much.

J.Q. Aw, old Teddy Bear wouldn’t hurt a sand flea.

NOSEY: Teddy Bear?

J.Q. The gator. See? He’s chained to that palm tree. He’s my baby.

NOSEY: *stares* Are you quite sane?

J.Q. Nope. I’m J.Q. Rose.

NOSEY: I didn’t mean…Oh, wait. No. You can’t be. *groans, then hisses into microphone* Gander, she’s not my guest today, is she?

J.Q. Your guest? *sits up straight* Yeah, you’re that nosy reporter my publicist called me about. Almost laughed me out of the office when he handed the schedule over. Why would he do that?

NOSEY:  My, uh, reputation precedes me?

J.Q. Could be. Anyhow, glad you could drop in. But, you know…*glances at helicopter flying toward horizon* Looked to me as if you were shoved here.

NOSEY: Well. *gives nervous chuckle* I barely hung on long enough to miss the shark tank over at Sea --er, never mind. *taps microphone* Okay, we’re live. *takes deep breath* J.Q. Rose, please inform our listening audience about your, um…*glances around surroundings* situation?

J.Q. Glad to. I’m a wife, mother, and grandmother to four boys and a three-year-old princess.  I spend winters in Florida and summers up north camping and hunting salamanders, toads, frogs, and snakes with my grandchildren. Blogging and photography occupy my spare time as well as playing my favorite board game, Pegs and Jokers.

NOSEY: Did you say snakes? *hand clenching microphone trembles*

J.Q. Sure did. My python, Slinky, is asleep around here somewhere. So watch your step. He’s a grouch if he doesn’t get his nap out.

NOSEY: *eyes grow wide* Believe me, no worries there, lady. This will be the shortest interview on record.

J.Q. In that case, we better get a move on. What’s your next question?

NOSEY: Uh. *darts swift glance in all directions* Talk to us about your book.

J.Q. Okey-dokey. It’s called The Good Neighbors, and it’s a short story featuring the main characters in my mystery e-book, Sunshine Boulevard.

NOSEY: And what’s it about?

J.Q.: Jim and Gloria Hart, snowbirds from Michigan. They always help out the neighbors in their Florida retirement community when asked. Who knew being good could turn out to be so bad?

NOSEY: Yeah, I get a lot of that myself. *starts as Teddy Bear opens mouth and hisses* So, er…this Jim Hart. Guess he’s the hero in your story?

J.Q. Both Jim and Gloria are the main characters, but not necessarily the heroes. The hero shows up, but it is not the person one would suspect it might be. There’s no cavalry or super powers or dragons to rescue the situation, but my hero does save the day.

NOSEY: *mutters* Could sure use a hero to save my day about now. *louder* Gander? Gander, the interview’s ending. Hurry and get that helicopter back this way!

J.Q. You know, Nosey, your wanting to rush off…well, it’s not sounding very neighborly.

NOSEY: What do you expect? I’ve read your story, and you didn’t mention me in any page whatsoever. And then, after I get here…I’m greeted by this *waves hand at Teddy Bear* thing!

J.Q.  Oh. Well. Sorry, Nosey, but my dear I.B., if I may call you I.B. *doesn’t wait for answer* You see, the story takes place in a retirement community, so you just are not old enough to live in a Florida senior park. And anyway, your lovely Gum Drop Island has the same climate as Florida. Not as many palm trees, perhaps, but I do love the gum drop bushes and the chocolate rivers. Now…*Nosey moves as if to interrupt but J.Q. continues* when you decide to retire from your reporter job, I.B., call me so I can give you some pointers on retiring....like all the restaurants who offer early bird dinners, great places for bingo, discounts on unending rounds of golf, senior coffee discounts at McDonald’s, reduced movie tickets, and especially on Mondays at Beall’s Outlet stores in Florida you can save 15% off every purchase.

NOSEY: *eyes light up* 15% ?

J.Q. Yep. And I should add that contrary to public opinion, the guard shack at the entrance of our community is to keep undesirables out, NOT to keep the seniors in…Gosh, Nosey, I hope, if you decide to visit, the guard will allow you in.

NOSEY: That guard --it won’t be Teddy Bear, will it?

J.Q. Who’s to say? Or possibly even Slinky.

NOSEY: *gulps* You think having these two pets makes you a good neighbor? Is everyone here --not normal? I mean, come on. Just who’re the good neighbors in this place?

J.Q. Point taken. But let me just say that there are several neighbors in the story, although I’ll let the reader decide who the “good” neighbor really is. I’m sure the obvious answer will be wrong…or maybe right depending on the reader’s perspective. When it comes right down to it, I guess there is no right or wrong answer to the question.

NOSEY: *blinks* I didn’t understand a word you said. *shakes head* Okay. Let’s try a different track. There’s a guy in your story named Paul, right? He claimed he and his wife were going to cruise to the Bahamas. Were you aware that, instead, they actually sailed to Gum Drop Island? And Heathcliff caught them downing stalks off a licorice tree. Stripping off free samples are not allowed there, you know.

J.Q. That doesn’t surprise me…that they sailed to Gum Drop Island. It sounds like this island could be such a fun place to go. Paul and his wife are always out looking for a wild, fun time. They are Gloria’s neighbors and she sees their carefree lifestyle. I mean, really, this couple takes off on their motorcycle and hits a lot of bars and sing karaoke. I believe they are the champions at shuffleboard too! They are what she would call party animals. Umm, are those licorice trees near here?

NOSEY: Not anywhere near where Teddy Bear can get his jaws on them! *shudders* By the way, Heathcliff has a question for Gloria. How come, when they were all on Gum Drop Island, she blanched when he gave her a polite smile and wink?

J.Q. I doubt she likes passionate possums. However, the sad fact is Gloria is not an animal lover. Oh, wait. *puts finger to cheek in pondering expression* Does Heathcliff realize he IS an animal?  She had to take care of Buttons for awhile when Ethel was in the hospital. She was not happy about it, but being the good neighbor she is, she fed the little dog. Jim walked and played with the animal. Gloria would not enjoy cavorting with a dog or cat or skunk or possum. No, no, no.

NOSEY: Ha! So she wouldn’t enjoy meeting your Slinky, would she?

J.Q. Have to admit, you’re right there. Oh. Look. *points at sky* Is that Gander?

NOSEY: Yes! He’s coming for me!

J.Q. Is the interview really over?

NOSEY: Well, he’s not overhead yet. I might have time for a quick couple more questions.

J.Q. Ask away.

NOSEY: That Buttons you just talked about which Gloria had to dog-sit. You know, he really didn’t have any buttons.

J.Q. Didn’t he? I believe Ethel tried to sew on a few buttons, but his hide is a bit thick for the needle. No, really, his black eyes and black wet nose reminded his owner of sparkly buttons. Just between you and me, on his underside he does have a belly button. *purses lips* Your expression tells me there’s something you want to say which has nothing whatsoever to do with belly buttons.

NOSEY: Heh heh, I have many adoring fans --really! But, uh, your Ethel-- *lowers voice* she wrote me a love letter.

J.Q. *gasps* What? You mean that curmudgeonly old lady is looking for love? I am shocked! Watch out, Nosey. She is a very determined old woman. Once she makes up her mind to do something, she will not be swayed. You’re in her sights, and when she has you in the crosshairs, there’s no getting away.

NOSEY: You’re not serious!

J.Q. *spreads hands* I wonder what she sees in you. Oh, excuse me, I. B. I mean, you probably have something she wants. Er, there must be something likable about you. Oh wait a minute…I think I am digging a deeper hole here. Anyway, how about this? We’ll make up a fake obituary notice! Old people usually read the obituary column first to make sure they are still alive in the morning. She’ll see yours *jabs index finger against Nosey’s chest* and that will stop the love letters and her smothering desire for you. But wait, what if you really like Ethel?  Well, then. You two could move away together and we’d be rid of both of you!!

NOSEY: *edges away* You’re spooking me out, lady. Come on,Gander! *glances up as helicopter draws closer* Hurry, man!

J.Q. Hmm. *continues to finger Nosey’s jacket sleeve* Of course, you couldn’t be buried in this old ratty-tatty thing. You know, Jim is a kind-hearted, thoughtful kind of guy. And your jacket is, well, a bit worn I could say.

NOSEY: W--what’s wrong with my jacket?

J.Q. Just that Jim could offer a better one. And the weather is so mild on Gum Drop Island, you don’t need to wear a jacket that often. I imagine your boss requires you to dress up just for the interviews, huh? Why doesn’t she pay you enough so you can afford a new jacket? This thing you’re sporting looks like it must have come off the Ark.

NOSEY: My boss? You mean *swallows* M.M.?

J.Q. Is there another? Oh. Hey! *points toward yard* Look who woke up from his nap. Nosey, say hello to Slinky.

NOSEY: Ack! *tears away as python slithers up porch steps* I’m saying Adios! Gander, unroll the ladder! *vaults over porch railing, streaks across grass, makes flying leap and grasps bottom rung of rope ladder*

J.Q. Watch out, Nosey! You’re going to slam into Teddy Bear’s tree! 

TEDDY BEAR: ROOOAAARRRR

NOSEY: Pull me up, Gander! Pull! Pull! Aaaiiiiii!!

************

Buy link for The Good Neighbors at Amazon.

Visit J.Q. Rose at her blog and site.

Royalties from the sale of The Good Neighbors are donated to local food pantries.

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***NOTE FROM JQ: It’s been kinda fun here. But, I must leave Gum Drop Island so I can get back in time for the party at the community center. I think there’s an Elvis impersonator there for entertainment.***

NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

I.B. Nosey Encounters Donna Sunblad

NOSEY: Greetings once again, cyber-nuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I’m coming to you from…uh, well…*looks around*…definitely not the yellow brick road, but a road that stretches to…*scratches head*…Oh, wait. There’s someone painting road signs. Helloooo!

DONNA: I see you got here, Nosey.

NOSEY: Do I know you?

DONNA: Check your schedule pad. Gander set this date for my interview. Donna Sunblad. See?

NOSEY: *reaches for pad inside breast pocket* Hey, he sure did! But why are you at this corner painting signs? That one points to Valley of Shadow, the other says Lofty Thought, and that one is marked Eternal City.

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

DONNA: Right. It’s all explained in my book, The Inheritance. Which…*watches as Nosey inspects all his pockets*…you didn’t bring with you, right?

NOSEY: Sorry about that. I’ve been pre-occupied lately and--

DONNA: Too many late night chocolate bunnies, huh? *sighs, and grabs microphone* Hey, Gander. Get your man focused, will ya?

NOSEY: Ouch! *jumps as loud voice shouts in his ear bud* Okay, okay. I’m moving right along. Yessiree. Uh, Ms. Sunblad, please introduce yourself.

DONNA: That’s more like it, Nosey. Ahem. I’m a full time writer, author, editor and writing coach. I reside in NW Georgia with my husband. Interested in hearing my credentials?

NOSEY: Definitely. Right, Gander?

DONNA: Goody. Okay. I serve as the Atlanta Bible Study Examiner for Examiner.com, I’m the president of WAG (Writer’s Alliance of Georgia), I facilitate The Finish Line, an online goal-oriented study group for writers (Writer's Village University), and I work as a full time freelance writer, ghostwriter, and editor.

NOSEY: *whistles* No fooling. But…

DONNA: Why is there always a ‘but’? And are you still messing with your pockets?

NOSEY: Sorry. *tosses candy wrapper to ground* Seemed to be a good time to clean ‘em. But as I was saying, ahem…just, someone like you, you know. I can’t figure out why you’re standing in the Middle of Nowhere painting road signs.

DONNA: *puts down paint bucket and dusts hands* For my book, The Inheritance. It’s written within the allegorical tradition of classics like Pilgrim’s Progress. It offers a literal but symbolic story for today’s fantasy enthusiasts.The young protagonist, Jejune, questions how conflicting theories can all be true. As a result the Illuminati who are in charge brand him a troublemaker. Miserable and longing for something more, he decides to leave his home in Lofty Thought and takes off with his constant companion and alter ego, Wigglewot.

NOSEY: Oh, I get it. And somewhere along the way he takes the arrow leading him to the Valley of Shadow, I guess?

DONNA: Yep. When he enters the Valley of Shadow he’s taken by surprise when ethereal shadows hurl fiery darts at him!

NOSEY: This is getting good! *licks lips with excitement* What happens then?

DONNA: The darts hit him, and he then gets off course.

NOSEY: Wow. Does he ever make it to the Eternal City?

DONNA: Mm. *gives sly smile* What do you think?

NOSEY:  Actually, I’m still thinking about those chocolate bunnies -- I mean, uh…how does he find out about the Eternal City?

DONNA: Jejune's mother believed in it. In fact, she left on a quest in search of it. Jejune's dad went with her as her protector. The sad news is they never returned home.

NOSEY:  So they’re still there, I bet ya! Wait a minute…*flips pages of pad* Yeah, I thought so! I booked passage for him to reach the Eternal City via a sail on the Good Ship Sugar Daddy. But he never showed up!

DONNA: Sounds like the folks in Lofty Thought meddled. People can’t agree there. But Jejune has his dad’s map so he’ll figure it out.

NOSEY: Well, now, that Lofty Thought place. Sounds like they might be downright thoughtless!

DONNA: *laughs* The people in Lofty Thought brag about every idea that comes into their head. Everyone thinks their ideas and theories are brilliant and new. And not only that, but they get an award for those ideas!

NOSEY: Yeah?

DONNA: Yeah. Why the frown, Nosey? Stomach upset from all those bunnies?

NOSEY: Maybe just a little. *turns a shade of green* You know, I was thinking. Jejune should hire the sleuthing abilities of Heathcliff the possum to direct him dead center on the Straight and Narrow. Except…

DONNA: Uh huh.There’s always an ‘except’. Except what?

NOSEY: I heard Heathcliff dropped his compass. Boy, I hope it’s not laying around here somewhere!

DONNA: If Heathcliff was attacked at the fork in the road like Jejune and Wigglewot, I bet he dropped it there.

NOSEY: *gasps* Attacked? Our wonderful, furry friend, Heathcliff?

DONNA: Just saying, if that's what happened to Heathcliff, that's where I'd start looking…but don't go to the Rumor Lodge to see if they have found it; it's not worth it. Depending on who he traveled with, he may not have dropped it at all. I'm not going to point the finger, but there are some people you have to be careful of because they don't think anything of going through your things and helping themselves to what they want! In fact, in the Village of Conformity that compass may be against the law!

NOSEY: Oh, no. Poor Heathcliff. *mops brow with hanky* Gotta notify the folks over at Gum Drop Island. They won’t stand for that.

DONNA: Hmm, a word of advice, Nosey. No sense in sticking your big nose in it.

NOSEY: *scowls* Watch what you’re saying about my nose, lady.

DONNA: You know, *cocks head and gives Nosey a considering look* you put me in the mind of Nosy Busybody.

NOSEY: A Nosy Busybody? No connection whatsoever! Er…who is that, by the way?

DONNA: On second thought, you’re right. No connection -- at least I would hope not! Nosy Busybody and her husband Quidnuc took Jejune in when he was hurt. They run the Rumor Inn. Jejune didn't have any money, and they agreed to let him stay, if he provided information. Sounded like a great plan, but it got complicated.

NOSEY: Really? How?

DONNA: They wanted more and more information, personal stuff, and even rummaged through his backpack! They wanted to read his father's journal! Then he met Lady Chary. She was beautiful but sad. She told him the Busybodies trapped her. They said she owed more information no matter how much she gave them. *hesitates* I'm not going to tell you all the details, or I'd be no better than Nosy Busybody.

NOSEY: *raises hand to mouth and expels loud belch* Oh. Sorry. No more of those chocolate bunnies for me.

DONNA: Phew! *nose wrinkles in distaste* I hope not.

NOSEY: *clears throat* So, what more can you tell us about Jejune? Sounds like that kid attended the School of Hard Knocks.

DONNA: Attend? He has lived there. In fact, he seems to visit their extension locations when he's on vacation—I mean his quest!

NOSEY: Uh huh. Hey, hold on. Got a commune coming in from Gander. *smirks at Donna* That’s journalist talk for a news flash.

DONNA: *rolls eyes* Whatever.

NOSEY: *presses ear bud closer and listens intently* Is that right? Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Will do! *peers at Donna* It’s been rumored that bootleg candy is brewing in the Valley of Shadows, and that Jejune is the chief candy maker!

DONNA: Oh I bet that's happening in Carnality. They sell all kinds of counterfeit things there…even pendants of light. They tell people they are authentic and that if they wear them that they are Lightbearers. The problem is that's a lie. So you can be assured it’s not true about Jejune neither.

NOSEY: Did you hear that, Gander? So inform Yuri Wiseguy-eh that everything’s A-OK on that front. Huh? Say that again. A Miss Who? Where? *swings around and points toward direction of sunset* Donna, do you recognize those two people?

DONNA: That looks like Miss-Understanding and Trouble.

NOSEY: Yeah. That’s what Gander says too. And they’re heading our way. *shifts from one foot to the other* After everything you’ve told me, I suggest we take a detour to Gum Drop Island. How about it?

DONNA: Without Jejune?

NOSEY: Well, where is that kid? *glances around* Hey! There he is atop the Wall of Frustration. We can’t reach him!

DONNA: No problem. Jejune is an experienced climber. He had to climb the rock of unbelief. He used his dagger and might to dig handholds, but…well that didn't work. Not to worry though. He found a way to make it to the top, so he won’t leave us behind now.

NOSEY: Great. Let’s go. *grabs Donna’s elbow and steers her forward, then stops* Uh, say…Gander’s helicopter is nowhere close. How is Jejune gonna get us out of here?

DONNA: He used his shield of faith as a raft to cross the River of Tradition. I bet he can use it again. Whoa. Who’s this?

NOSEY: *stares at character blocking their way* You don’t look like someone who belongs in Ms. Sunblad’s book.

BUNNY: I’m not. *glares at Nosey* I’m here to demand what happened to my children.

NOSEY: *gives nervous chuckle* How should I know?

BUNNY: They visited your house last night, you dolt! *from behind her back, she brings out a broom* Now, where are they?

NOSEY: I don’t -- hey, Donna, where you going?

DONNA: ‘Tain’t nothing to do with me. *grabs Jejune’s helping hand and scurries up Wall of Frustration* You’re on your own, dude.

BUNNY: I want my babies! *swings broom at Nosey*

NOSEY: Ouch! My hair! Don’t mess with the hair, rabbit!  

BUNNY: Thief! I’m gonna sweep the floor with you!

NOSEY: GANDER! *speeds down path marked Truth or Consequences* Where are you?!

********

Visit Donna Sunblad at her site/blog.

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I.B. Nosey Meets Rachel Rossano

NOSEY: Greetings, cyber-nauts!

This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter coming to you today from…uh, Gander? Where am I? There are horses everywhere with fools atop them dressed in some sort of shiny material. Huh? What do you mean they’re nights?

*sound of door slams*

RACHEL: Knights, Nosey! The word is spelled with a K.

NOSEY: *whirls about* Where did you come from, little lady?

RACHEL: I’m a damsel, and I see Gander managed to drop you in the right location.

NOSEY: Here? But this place looks like a….

RACHEL: Castle. Yes, that’s correct.

(photos courtesy of Photobucket)

NOSEY: *scratches head* In my line of work, I sure travel to some odd places.

RACHEL: Nothing odd about this castle. *cocks head and puckers mouth into considering expression* Well, of course, there is Dimpledew.

NOSEY: What’s a dimple-dew?

RACHEL:  I’m on my way to see him now. *from basket carried under one arm, she picks up flower and raises it to her nose* Care to walk with me?

NOSEY: Well…*struggles to match her athletic stride*…Gander scheduled me for an author interview today.

RACHEL: That’s right. I’m she. Author Rachel Rossano. Did you read my book?

NOSEY: Uh…what was the name of it again?

RACHEL: The Crown of Anavrea. *sigh* You didn’t read it, did you, Nosey? *reaches inside basket and withdraws book* Never mind. Here’s a copy.

NOSEY: *squints at back cover* The Crown of Anavrea is about a man on the run and the woman who gave him a reason to keep fighting to survive. In a time when castles were the strongest...in a place where combat was face to face...Labren was on the run. He hid his true name and he admitted it freely. In a time when slavery was legal...in a place where kings were all-powerful...Eve, a slave, appeared in the right place at the right time.

Eve saved his life. In return, he offered her the opportunity of freedom. She did not know what would happen to her if she chose to accept his proposal, but she did know the consequences of rejecting it.

NOSEY: Hey, that’s…*pants* curious. Yep, it is, but…*pulls Rachel to a stop* Can’t you slow down?

RACHEL: We can’t possibly keep Dimpledew waiting. *rushes off in direction of the moat*

NOSEY: Yeah, but, okay. *runs to keep pace* Tell me about your Eve. What would happen if she rejected Labren’s proposal?

RACHEL:  She would face death or, at the least, a crippling beating and a fate worse than death. When Labren finally gets around to proposing, she has run away from her new master in order to nurse him back from the brink of death.

NOSEY: And that Labren guy? Why is he on the run? Trying to get away from your Dimpledew fella, huh?

RACHEL: *grins knowingly* Wait till you meet Dimpledew and I dare you to mock him then! To reveal why Labren is on the run would be telling. I can say he has some family issues. You know the usual, evil stepmother, estranged half-brother, and a father who hates him because of misunderstanding. Oh, and one can’t forget the half-sister that everyone overlooks.

NOSEY: *dodges away from approaching horse and rider* Watch it, dude! I have the right of way here! *gulp* Why is he pointing that sword at me?

RACHEL: That’s my hero, Labren. You should acknowledge him.

NOSEY: Oh. *gives nervous chuckle* Hi ya there, good buddy Labren. Nice sword you carry with you. Maybe you and I can practice a little fencing later, huh? *stares at Rachel in disbelief* He’s having spasms of guffaws!

RACHEL: *raises eyebrows* You should be thankful he only laughed. He is quite the master with the blade. He doesn’t demonstrate it in the book, but he is quite capable of defending himself with a sword.

NOSEY: Well, he might need to. Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh might want a few words with him. After all, your couple was invited to honeymoon on Gum Drop Island, and they set sail, but at the last minute Labren steered his ship in another direction. That’s going to need some explaining.

RACHEL: He probably was answering a summons from his brother. He might love Eve, but Anavrea has a pretty good grip on his heart as well. Don’t worry they will be back. Even if they don’t take Yuri up on that honeymoon, they will return in the next book if only in a supporting role.

NOSEY: Hmph. And neither one of them invited me to the wedding!

RACHEL: Umm… It was sort of a hush-hush affair. The wedding of a runaway slave and a fugitive rarely has guests, at least not welcome ones.

NOSEY: Why are we heading outside the castle walls?

RACHEL: Dimpledew doesn’t live in the castle.

NOSEY: *pauses* He doesn’t, by any chance, live in a cave?

RACHEL: Well, not today anyway. Don’t stand there, Nosey. Hurry along, now.

NOSEY: I--I really might need to get back to Gander. Before I go, is there one thing in particular that you’d really like to say?

RACHEL: Yes. I have this fascination with names. They are so important in fiction. I am always curious… What are yours? What does the I. B. stand for, Nosey?

NOSEY: Good question, and I’d really love to answer that, but Gander’s helicopter--

RACHEL: He’s nowhere in sight! Oh, don’t be a drip.*clenches Nosey’s arm and drags him forward* Come on. Dimpledew awaits on yonder knoll.

NOSEY: Yonder? Boy, you’re sure feeling the time lingo. And don’t hold me so tight!

RACHEL: Then don’t squirm! And yes, I love the ‘lingo’. I have loved words and reading since before I could read. My mother and father were readers and we didn’t have a television in our house until I was twelve. As a result, the adventures found between the pages of a book became my favorite entertainment. It seemed a natural progression to try writing when I was a teen. My new obsession was born.

NOSEY: Is that when…*struggles to free himself* you wrote the book?

RACHEL: The book began as an effort to entertain myself while stuck in a hotel room in Germany for four weeks. I don’t speak German. In the first week, I had read every English book I had brought with me and could find at the local bookstore. My current writing project wasn’t going as I liked, so I started a new one, The Crown of Anavrea.

NOSEY: I’m not going to ask why you were in Germany.

RACHEL: Why not? And will you quit fidgeting? You’re really taxing me, Nosey.

NOSEY: But I don’t want to meet Dimpledew!

RACHEL: Everyone loves Dimpledew. You’re just being strange, Nosey.

NOSEY: Me? Strange? Hey, I’ve heard of your bizarre behavior, lady. Each midnight you leap out of bed, kick your heels, dance a little jig, then dive headlong into the Hershey bowl.

RACHEL: Perfectly normal. 2012 is going to be an exciting year! I have two short stories and a novella slated for publication. So much work but also so much fun. The chocolate helps fuel late night editing sessions, you know.

And the novella is the sequel to Labren and Eve’s adventure,The King of Anavrea. Ireic needs to figure out how he is going to run Anavrea now that he is the king. He faces many obstacles: a political marriage, a narrow-minded council, rebellious nobility, riots, an assassination attempt, and a… Well, you are just going to have to read the book when it comes out. You will read it, won’t you, Nosey?

NOSEY: Maybe…if Eve doesn’t cry through the pages.

RACHEL: Why would she?

NOSEY: Well, she burst into tears when Heathcliff made the gesture of offering her a candy bouquet.

RACHEL: Eve cried? Are you sure? I guess she has been a bit hormonal lately, but I am surprised. She goes through a lot during the book and all, but she is definitely not a weeping, wilting damsel in distress. Of course, things are a bit different now. Let me just say, you should be thankful she only cried at the sight of food. It could have been a lot worse. A word of advice, don’t let Labren know you made her cry. He doesn’t tolerate people messing with his wife.

NOSEY: I didn’t make her cry! And I’m not messing with her! And I’m not…*tears arm free from Rachel’s grasp* going to meet Dimpledew!

RACHEL: Don’t be a sourpuss, Nosey. Ah. Here we are. *sighs with contentment* Dimpledew, did you miss me? *carries basket of flowers over to waiting Dimpledew*

NOSEY: Huh? What? Dimpledew is a--a goat?

RACHEL: What did you expect? *smiles sweetly* Surely not a fire-breathing dragon?

NOSEY: Oh. Whew. *leans forward with palms resting on knees* That’s okay, then. What’s cha doing with those flowers?

RACHEL: He loves to wear daisy-chain necklaces. Now, don’t chuckle, Nosey. That displeases him, and with the bull’s eye position you’re in--

NOSEY: Ouch! *yelps as goat lowers head and charges* Help! Somebody stop this old goat! *flees across meadow with an angry Dimpledew butting at his heels*

RACHEL: Don’t worry, Nosey! I’ll save you! But, um…can you wait a minute? Or thirty, mayhap?…*removes box of chocolates from basket and makes herself comfortable on the grass*…Yum! These are delicious! My compliments to Yuri and the whole Gum Drop Island staff. Now…*takes out book from basket and flips through pages*…That love scene I wrote between Labren and Eve is, oh so exciting, it bears reading and re-reading!

NOSEY: *voice fading in distance* Ooh, ouch! Help!

DIMPLEDEW: BAAAAAAAAA!

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Visit Rachel Rossano at her site and blog.

The Crown ofAnavrea

Available through Amazon and Smashwords.

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NOSEY ANNOUNCEMENT: If you'd like to be interviewed by none other than that "official unofficial reporter", send an email to M.M. (Addy on 'About Me' page. All books must be G-rated, and approriate for this site). You know you want to. After all, aren't you salivating to display this badge at your site/blog?

Yes, what a surprise! Today I.B. Nosey himself is interviewed!

It's just a friendly visit over to Gail Branan's blog....right?

Surely, nothing, NOTHING will go wrong!!!

You think???

Better hurry and find out! HERE!!!